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The Schnitzel Under the Microscope

As part of our investigations into the heritage and culture of the Schnitzel, it seemed appropriate to conduct a full and frank tasting session in the interests of scientific research.

There were a queue of volunteers for this, though being the selfless creatures we are, myself(Rod Stirzaker) and fellow intrepid food explorer Dana Immanuel bravely put ourselves forward as the crash test dummies for this experiment.

A quick perusal of the food menu here at the Montesino Casino and we elected to order a Schweineschnitzel – the pork variety of the Schnitzel, complete with lemon wedge , ketchup and potato salad accompaniments. The staff efficiently delivered our meal and very tasty it looked.

“But that’s my lunch,” neither of us heard colleague Mark lament as we readied knives and forks.

THE TESTING

A small chunk was duly carved out by each of us and tasted.

Rod’s review: “The way the meat is treated means it can be cooked fast which prevents the pork drying out. Very tasty. Very more-ish. A small squeeze of lemon adds a welcome layer of acidity. Crispy, moist, delicious! (The potato salad was great too!)”

Dana’s review: “Despite being made of the wrong animal, this schnitzel hits all the right notes – outside is crispy, inside is something’s flesh, lemon is artistically sculpted for some reason. Also I like that there are two of them. Would order again.”

THE AFTERMATH

My Precious, all MINE!

Meat tasted, all semblance of a scientific approach to this experiment began to dissipate as a dogfight broke out between myself and Dana as to who would eat the rest of it. What had begun in such civilized fashion quickly descended into chaos.

Threats were issued, cutlery raised aggressively, teeth bared.

Photographer Mark watched on, seeing what was supposed to be his lunch being demolished by the two animals in front of him. A small tear rolled down his cheek as he witnessed the breakdown of civilization occurring in real time. Ever the professional though, he captured each moment of debauchery on film. The real star of this whole debacle.

The stand-off between the bloggers which we imagine Austrian society will later refer to as “The 2017 Schnitzel War” eventually dissolved and an uneasy ceasefire was called.

The “2017 Schnitzel War” was on.

CONCLUSION

There’s no denying the appeal of the Schnitzel. Although we were unable to test the Wienerschnitzel, the results for the Schweineschnitzel were unanimous. This is a tasty meal, the world is better off for the Schnitzel but care should be taken to ensure Schnitzels are equally distributed to prevent any repeat of the “The 2017 Schnitzel War.” Bottom line – they’re delicious but potentially dangerous.

GG Schnitzel.

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