Public Service Announcement

We just need to be serious for a moment.

Poker tournaments are fun, exciting affairs. You can win huge prizes, enjoy an international trip to a far-flung locale with friends, meet new people and break new ground. You should never forget, however, there can be pitfalls.

The recent experiences of one of the players highlights some of the dangers of a poker tournament newcomers should watch out for. It’s our intention to relate this story in as sensitive as possible a fashion as a cautionary tale so others can avoid the same fate.

To protect the identity and reputation of the individual, we shall, from here on out, refer to him as Mr. X (just in case his poor Mum is reading.)

In the early hours of yesterday morning, Mr. X awoke to find himself standing up in one of the labrynthian external hotel corridors, confused, lost, cold, bewildered, locked out of his room and most importantly without a stitch of clothing to cover his modesty. He’d sleepwalked out of his room, without his key, and had utterly forgotten his room number. Disaster.

Time was of the essence. The corridors would soon be filling up with hotel guests returning from their night out. He needed a plan. In a flash of inspiration, he did what most of us would hope we had the sang-froid to think of at this stressful moment and started shouting out, “This is f****ing b*lls**t!” at the top of his lungs.

Amazingly, this well-considered plan didn’t instantly solve his problems – he remained stark, boll**k naked and the imminent onset of pneumonia continued to threaten. He was forced to take a different tack. Knock on people’s doors and disturb their sleep looking for a towel or similar. From some recess of the corridor he found a book which he positioned carefully to provide a veneer of respectability and began knocking…

One of the first doors he knocked on was answered by a young lady. Confronted by a naked man who had been bellowing down the corridor moments ago, she was shocked but brave in the face of adversity. With no thought for her own safety, she grabbed her phone and took a quick shot to show her friends.

Startled, Mr X began looking for alternative strategies. By now his extremities were turning blue and he decided warming himself before frostbite kicked in was a priority. Using the same brand of effective logic that had taken him this far, he headed for the lifts to find shelter from the cold. After all, he reasoned, nothing feels more secure and warm than a room in semi-permanent transit where a series of strangers continually shuffle in and out pressing buttons in a confined environment.

You’ll be pleased to know Mr X eventually found his way back to his room and is now safe and sound after all his travails.

It could have been so different however. Luck was on his side…this time.

Don’t let this happen to you folks and remember, if you ever call the elevator and the doors slide open to reveal a naked man dressed only in a copy of Lord of The RIngs, don’t follow your instincts and call for security. Cut the man some slack and lend him your towel. You never know when you might find yourself in the same situation…

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