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Eat Well and Prosper!

A culinary journey across Slovakia and the surrounding areas would be a long, winding road full of interesting landmarks. We fear we would be unable to do justice to an all-encompassing list of the delicious edible treats one can find in this part of the world but we do want to let you know about a few enduring favourites.

Firstly we have:

Goulash.

Resist the urge to waterboard this stew – it burns. Just use a spoon.

Although this dish is of Hungarian extraction, it is widely eaten in Central Europe and many restaurants in Slovakia will offer it as an option. There are multiple different variants of goulash, though most tend to include paprika, some collagen-rich cut of beef, veal, pork or lamb meat, veg such as carrot, pepper, garlic and celery, cooked in a stock flavoured with bay leaf, thyme, caraway seed and perhaps chili pepper. It’s the kind of home-cooked, hearty stew that can warm your chilled bones on an icy evening during the winter and keep you nourished if you venture out seeking adventure in the winter snow.

Thing not to do : Spill hot goulash on your lap. It is a very effective contraceptive used in this way. Spill it on your enemies. Much better.

Next up, we have:

The Schnitzel.

Now, we have no desire to bore you all by repeating ourselves, having done a thorough investigation into the schnitzel last year.

Apparently sales have skyrocketed following our celebration of this delicious, battered flat, breaded meat dish. We were worried that the schnitzel may have died out in the interim due to over-consumption but we are happy to say it is alive and well.

Thing not to do : Try and remove a Schnitzel from a resting Dana Immanuel whilst she is eating it. This can result in serious injury and/or death. If you must separate her from the Schnitzel, lure away with aged bourbon before attempting. Then run. Fast.

Bryndzové Halušky

Photos perhaps do not do this justice. Bacon, cheese and potatoes – the reason we climbed out of the primordial soup.

This is a bona fide Slovakian national dish. Similar to gnocchi, it is potato dough with sheep cheese, optionally sprinkled with smoked pork fat or bacon. A tasty dish, often served with Žinčica – a drink made of whey. Now drinking whey may not be palatable to everyone so washing these tasty little cheesy, potato balls down with a pint of local beer is equally recommended.

Thing not to do. Start a food fight whilst these are at the table. Firstly the dense little roasting potato bullets could easily remove an eye but the main problem is you will just be throwing away delicious sustenance. Just eat the damn things!

Zemiakové placky

Fried potato pancakes flavoured with garlic, onion and marjoram. These little snacky pancakes are similar to Jewish latkes, and are incredibly more-ish. A plateful of them will disappear fast so be prepared to order seconds. Highly recommended by all who try them – a must eat while you visit Bratislava.

Thing not to do. Order a plate of them and say “I’ll just have one.” This is a lie. You will eat twelve. Good news: You’ll make it through the winter! Those scales were broken anyway.

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